Today we’d like to introduce you to Nicole Kaufman.
Hi Nicole, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?
My path to mental health counseling was anything but straightforward. I grew up in a small town in North Carolina, and did my undergraduate studies at UNC-Chapel Hill with hardly a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. A degree in Communications in hand, I decided to sell cars in Orlando, FL for Saturn Corporation, which gave me my first exposure to hard-core sales and the automobile industry. From there, I would dip my toe into retail, then the mortgage industry, before deciding to pivot into academia. Back to North Carolina I went, and picked up an English Education degree, determined to entice high school students into loving Shakespeare as much as I did. A year and a half into teaching, I became disillusioned, and went into corporate sales with Scholastic Publishing, in their school division. I married, had a son, and then got my real estate license. And then a divorce. I re-married and my second husband relocated us for his job, down to Greenville, SC.
My first husband sued me for full custody of my son. In a court case that stunned most of the legal community of Greensboro, NC, the judge reversed primary care and my son had to stay in NC while I moved to SC. I was devastated. One of the benefits of moving for my husband’s job was going to be that I could stay home with my son and step-son. Now, I was unemployed and mentally crashing out over becoming the now visiting parent. Going back to school seemed like a safe haven, because I was always good at school. So off to Webster University for a Master of Arts in Counseling. I completed my degree with a 4.0 GPA while simultaneously driving back and forth to NC to visit my son every chance I could get. Then, my husband’s job took us to Jupiter, FL. I finished up the internships required and continued to battle my first husband in court over our son, because he was not coping well emotionally or academically. The pressure of the custody battle on my marriage was too much. Divorce number two sent me packing back to North Carolina from Jupiter, FL, and ultimately back to my son. It was bittersweet to say the least. Mere weeks before my second husband asked me for a divorce, I had opened my first private practice.
I say all of this backstory not to over-dramatize my life, but to be fully transparent that I have been through a lot of the things that my clients talk with me about. Relationships. Businesses opening and closing. Life changes, some profound and quite frankly scary and depressing. I’ve been there, and done that. At first, I started my practice just wanting any and all clients to come see me. Over the years, I have niched down to a sweet spot of high-achieving, introspective clients that want to level up their lives and their behaviors. These may or may not be business-owners, but these folks are action-oriented and multi-talented individuals that want a therapist to talk, not just ask questions. My Dad was special forces Green Beret in Vietnam, and my Mom was a beauty queen turned Mermaid at Weeki Wachee Springs in Brooksville, Florida. I have a way of being blunt and straightforward with folks, while also being disarming and approachable. Dad being hard-edged, and Mom’s congeniality — they deserve the credit for that combo, in myself, that keeps clients coming back. One of the things I am proudest about is that even my patient zero — from ten years ago — still has periodic sessions with me. I think it’s incredible to see people transform, level up, and go back into the world after our work together with a sense of purpose and motivation. And that’s my goal — to get you OUT of my office as quickly as possible, and back to functioning at a higher level that lights you up.
Here is my link to my Psychology Today profile, as it gives more info about me and my practice today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/265601
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
I’ve had lots of struggles, from COVID to navigating insurance panels to being a one-man shop. I still overschedule myself, and marketing is not my strong suit. People laugh at my “grandma calendar,” a paper/pencil calendar that still holds all my appointments. I absolutely love what I do, and think about my clients in the “off” hours way more than I should. When I’m not with clients, I’m reading a self-help article or taking yet another continuing education class. One thing I have learned is that I only know a sliver of everything to know in the mental counseling world, so I am a voracious learner.
My greatest challenge of late is learning about personality disorders, which is a subject rarely taught in graduate school to new counselors. Of particular fascination to me are the dark-triad disorders, which are the psychopathic, anti-social, borderline, and narcissistic personality disorders. I do not work with this population directly, rather, I work with people who have had interactions with these types of personality styles — spouses, family members, work colleagues, you name it. Dealing with a personality-disordered individual can be harrowing, traumatizing, and deeply confusing. Typically, clients come to me asking, “What did I do?” when actually it might not be the client’s issue, at all, but a personality disorder at play. I find the greatest joy in helping clients with these issues, because it is an area of therapy that is rarely explored and not talked about very much.
Networking and finding a mentor can have such a positive impact on one’s life and career. Any advice?
I read voraciously and use research-based practices to inform the work that I do. I take as many Continuing Education classes as possible, while trying to emulate those who are well-known, published, and who do things differently. My favorite mentors and folks I love in my field are The Angry Therapist (Jon Kim), Esther Perel, and Jon and Julie Gottmann, to name a few.
While growing my practice, I was in several local networking groups and organizations, some paid, some free. My best strategy and advice I could give is for new business owners to realize that “givers receive.” Putting people together, being able to help folks with referrals, is what cedes the Universe to reward YOU with all the business you can handle. Keep giving and networking for others…and your business will grow in ways you can only dream of.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.highperformancecounselingco.com/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NicoleNKaufman/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-n-kaufman-912736105/
- Other: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/265601
